Irespective of the kind of society they belong to, conservative or progressive, women around the world have been conditioned by society into believing that "motherhood completes a woman". Like motherhood is a litmus test of womanhood that all women have to pass in order to be complete as a woman and which has to be taken without a choice. I will have to disagree. Because there is a choice and there are some women who go for it. And they are very much complete without being mothers.
Motherhood is revered in almost all the cultures in the world and it does feel great to most women to be a mother. But motherhood shouldn't lose its lustre by being forced or by having to carry the label of it completing a woman.
Here, I want to throw some light into the fact that there are women who voluntarily choose not to have children and still live a wholesome life. Women who don't believe they become complete only with the attainment of motherhood. And they are childfree, not childless. There is a lot of difference in it that the society needs to see.
Before we delve into the details of one being voluntarily childfree, we should see the natural course of the attainment of motherhood by most women in any society.
Whenever a couple gets married, people around them incessantly asks them about their pregnancy plans. Many couples are soon under some pressure to deliver "the good news" to the world. Clearly, women are the ones who take the brunt of it. This in many cases result in forced parenthood which in turn leads to, or become crucial in unwanted family issues sooner or later.
Many women, though willing to embrace motherhood, seem to be oblivious to even the choice of a childfree life. Many of them become mothers only to fall in line. So as not to be social deviants, even though only a very few of them are themselves consciously aware of this reason. Also they simply don't give themselves time to come to a decision. It really is out of choice for many of them. And most importantly, they may want to evade the chance of being labelled "barren" which sadly, the society equates to an inefficiency on the woman's part.
Now coming back to our childfree women, what really makes them choose to be childfree ? There are a lot of reasons. And its not just professional ambition that restrains a woman, though studies and surveys show that the higher her educational and professional status, the more likely she is not to have kids, and thus it stands as the most important contributing factor . Being the leading contributory cause , a woman's professional priority over her personal life is often looked down upon by the society. But even if it's her professional ambition that's making a woman decide to be childfree, is it wrong for her to use her knowledge, time and wisdom the way she wants to ? Should women be restrained from seeking education and professions with the usage of their utmost potential ? Definitely not. If people say women should balance their professional life and personal life, I'll say it's still at the woman's discretion to want to balance it or not. Because this balance is not an easy one for any woman. Even though many won't admit it or even realize it because the society has conditioned them into thinking that suffering is so much a normal part of a woman's life that it shouldn't be complained about . Especially when it's for their children. The world will never get tired of glorifying the all-enduring mother image. However, I wish women remember that pregnancy is not a natural occurrence that women have no control over, or shouldn't have control over.
There are also several other reasons for some women to come to this decision. But whatever the reasons, the society should stop asking them what or why. People shouldn't be burdened with the need to give reasons all the time for being themselves. The society shouldn't blame a woman for knowing herself more or for deciding to live her life on her own terms. But even the women in a society resorts to blaming their childfree contemporaries. This is mostly because of their social conditioning about motherhood and social roles. But there may also be the remote possibility of of some women being plainly jealous of childfree women, who have more time for themselves and are much more relaxed in their lives.
The society is judgemental towards childfree women and they are considered heartless. The truth is that though these women don't themselves want to raise kids, they love and are caring towards kids of their family friends and relatives. Also in many respects, they won't be very different from any other woman. The next misconception is that these individuals are selfish or self-centered. I'll particularly disagree with this one, and here's why.
Raising kids is an art not many have mastered. Many people don't even think about the long term responsibility they are committing themselves to. On the contrary, they think their responsibility is only to feed, protect, educate, impart some values and marry off children. When in fact, one's responsibility to one's kids lasts until one dies. Or one's actions should be such that the positive effects of the parental responsibility goes on even after one's death. This parental responsibility involves guiding, loving and simply being there for the kids even after they become independent adults and have their own families. Sadly many don't realise this. If all these are not satisfied, one still fails as a parent. Many childfree individuals decide to be so because they realise they won't be able to do justice to their children in future with regard to the above said. So it's unfair for the society to consider them selfish. I'll say these people are still more kind and considerate to the kids they never had, than the people who unthoughtfully have kids and give them a lifetime of difficulties.
Women of the current and all the coming generations should think a thousand times over before deciding whether to procreate because with each passing generation, people are becoming less and less patient and enduring, which are two of the most important qualities one should have while raising kids. Not to blame the young generation, but the world is becoming a stressful place by day. Women should better wait for a few years of their adulthood to pass before they make the important decision to marry, and if married, whether to have children. Marriage is never like people imagine it to be. So before people, especially women, get a better understanding of their married lives, they better don't introduce children into it.
In India only 4 percentage of couples are childless, which includes both cases of infertility and voluntary childlessness. Not enough studies have been done to get the estimate of voluntarily childfree couples in India . So all that I wrote is for a small minority. It still matters, for two reasons. Firstly, a woman should not be judged for her choices that involves her body and her life. By labelling childfree women as cruel and heartless, the society is depriving a lot of other women the freedom to make the right decisions in their lives, purely out of fear. Secondly, there are couples who undergo treatment for infertility for several years which still may go unsuccessful. It becomes extremely painful for them when they are not open to the idea of legal adoptions either. They are forced to live under the pressure of having to deal with the scrutinous society for the rest of their lives. Only because they will be blamed of not having tried all options.
And all these problems, only because motherhood doesn't come as a choice. It's time women come out of this shell and start realising that motherhood is not a measure of their true potential or their womanhood . Neither does it mark their completeness. And for that matter, it really is not a measure of anything.
To have or not to have children is a woman's choice. The law has recognized it's importance, which is why the woman has an upper hand in deciding whether to keep a child or not, in cases of medical termination of pregnancy. But the society needs to realize it too.
For any psychological, biological or spiritual reasons, a woman doesn't necessarily need to be a mother to be "complete". Death is the only true completeness of one's life. As it is for a man, so it is for a woman. Till that point, everyone is living and life doesn't become complete yet.
